Love

As is proper for my last entry for NaBloPoMo (I made it all 30 days by the way), I have another corny insight to share and to blog about for today's entry.

Today, I realized what love really is. 

It was after the art history exam today. A good friend of mine was getting ready to commute home on his bike and I somehow ended up following him over to the bike racks at the school next door. After struggling (and failing) to get up on his bike, he ended up doing a demo for me around the small quad where we were. 

What I felt at that moment was the best feeling in the world.

He had the biggest smile on his face as he sped around the quad...and I couldn't help but smile myself. 

Love isn't about being together and being in a relationship. It's not about vows. It's not about exchanging phone numbers or going out weekly on romantic walks. It's not about any of that.

It's about being happy.

He makes me happy, even with all of the crap I've put up with from him.

I just wish I could tell him that. 

Who I'd Be

One of the best songs I've heard in awhile...

...and it came from a musical adaptation of Shrek. How did this happen? Seriously, I'm flabbergasted--the musical sounds like it might actually be BETTER than the movie was in terms of character development (Shrek admitting he wants to be known for more than being an ogre to Donkey--that's deep stuff right there). 

I hate to admit it, but this song is kind of inspiring right about now. 

And now off to face another day of my hell week at school. 

93 degrees? .______.

Apparently it is supposed to be 93 degrees Fahrenheit in Cambridge/Boston today? I don't know if I will be able to stand it. The animation basement at school is already usually in the high 80s at the very least and we have no air conditioning down there...I guess I better bring my water and my deodorant down today if I want to stay smelling/feeling decent.

This is one of those times I wish I was near Caspian Lake in Greensboro, VT, as boring as that town is. At least when it was hot down there it was really cold by the lake so that the breeze was enough to cool you off. And dipping my toes in the water while chilling at the end of the dock at camp? The best. 

I guess a part of me must really miss my family if I am thinking about camp, which I really used to despise when I still lived there...

Bring on the summer break. I'm ready for the next couple of days (which are going to be the hardest this week)!

Dr Horrible's Sing Along Blog

If you have the internet and don't live under a rock, you have no doubt heard of Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog, starring the ever awesome Neil Patrick Harris, Nathan Fillion and Felicia Day. There is a reason I really want to write a short blurb about Dr. Horrible, however. Really, when you look at it, DHSB is really a work of genius.

The whole atmosphere of the piece gradually goes on a downward spiral. At first it looks like the entire piece is going to be light-hearted, with Dr. Horrible singing the happy-go-lucky sounding song "Freeze Ray", complaining about how he can't talk to the girl of his dreams. Everything is lighter in this first part--the songs, the sets, the jokes, even the acting is just a bit fluffier.

But then everything gradually starts growing darker until, without any spoilers, the very end of the show.

While some people have complained about this disjointed feeling, I think it actually serves to tell the story more fluidly. If Shakespeare could have some comedic moments in his tragedies, why can't Joss Whedon have this sort of downward spiral in Dr. Horrible?

Dr. Horrible is not the only one negatively affected by this downward spiral in the mood--the viewer is as well. It just makes the storytelling feel that much more human-like in the way that it unfolds. It's not that there haven't been other people who haven't attempted this method of storytelling (if you look at the Harry Potter series J.K. Rowling does the same sort of thing throughout the seven books), but some people just haven't nailed it as well as Whedon did with DHSB. 

Bravo, Joss Whedon. Bravo and thank you for the storytelling inspiration.

Animation? Why thank you.

Four hours in the animation basement at school today and I only got about 30 frames completed for the final piece in my animation. Augh...I have to go into the basement everyday this week because of that final. I really want it to come out good though. I should be used to putting this much effort into work, but honestly, I don't think I am.

Shading a series of pictures and drawing a series of frames to animate are two completely different things.

However, one of my most complicated shots is almost finished. I know for sure that I can finish it tomorrow. :D

And now off to zoning out again. I just can't put together any logical words right now, to be honest.

17 Again

Soooo, I ended up seeing this movie last night with two of my friends, as hard as it is to believe.  I have to admit, I didn't even know what I was thinking when I decided to go. I am so totally not a Zac Efron fan and the movie sounded kind of stupid. Even within the first ten minutes, I was like "oh man, this is going to be so bad".

It's no Oscar winning movie, but I was pleasantly surprised. 

I won't go into details and such, but the way the movie was handled was hilarious for the most part. It is definitely not another tween movie just because Efron is in it. In fact, he got into the mind set of a 40-ish year old man better than I thought he would. Heck, there was even a moment in the movie I almost started crying (before I started laughing again).

I have to say, my favorite character in the whole movie was probably Ned (I believe that was his name, please correct me if I am wrong on that). My inner nerd jumped for joy when he and the principal had that conversation in Elvish.

Today...

Today, I ended up riding a mechanical bull, eating crepes, walking along the Charles River from Harvard Square and ending up all the way over at the Prudential Center because of a spur in the moment. It's funny how life works out that way some times, but as I see it, that's the best way to live your life, is by spur of the moment. That's why some people never get bored with their lives while some just rot away in a deadlocked schedule.

I hope I'm not one of them.

Burn Out

You know you are too exhausted from classes when...

...you actually want to go home from school.

...you sleep in past your alarm (obviously).

...you intend to work on your homework, but then end up just sitting there in front of the computer for hours on end with nothing accomplished.

...you nearly doze off on a bench outside one of the classrooms (I am guilty of this one XD).

...all you want to do is lock yourself in your room and zone out in front of some flicks.

...you don't even bother changing on weekends any more.

...your personality changes for no good reason.

...you feel the need to make a list like this.

:X

Plans for the summer

As the school year begins to slow down and the break becomes closer, I realize that NOW is the time to sit down and plan out what I want to accomplish over the summer. While I do intend to relax to a certain extent, I also have A LOT of business/things that I want to accomplish over the summer before I come back to school in the fall:

SUCH AS:

FINANCIAL RELATED THINGS:

1. Get a job that will keep me working at least 20-25 hours a week.

2. See if I can take on portrait commissions again to supplement the job.

SCHOOL RELATED THINGS:

1. Finish putting together my AICAD applications and send them off to Boston.

2. Renew my scholarship from my high school.

ART/FUN (cause art is FUN :D) RELATED THINGS:

1. Get some more official concept art done for Eileen's story.

2. Get a bare bones plot worked out for the above.

3. Get all five episodes of my web series concept shot over the summer (I'm guessing considering each episode is probably going to be about 3-5 each this could easily be accomplished in a week).

5. Do some cooking for a change. YAY.

I guess that be all for now. :D

Ben and Jerry's

Let me just say that Ben and Jerry's Free Cone Day is the best thing since sliced bread.

Let me also say that Oatmeal Cookie Ice Cream is also the best thing since sliced bread. I think it might have even trumped my personal favorite flavours of Ben and Jerry's ice cream (Phish Food and Mint Chocolate Chip). 

Do I feel like a nerd raving in a whole blog post about Ben and Jerry's?

Yes, a little bit. 

But it was worth it. 

And, dude, free ice cream. 

Recipe Time!

In a quest to further my culinary horizons (and my 101 1001 goal pertaining to this broadening of horizons), I've decided to gather more recipes on this blog after my Chicken Tetrazzini post. 

First up, we have Ensaymada. When I Wikipedia-ed this food it said it was from Spain, however we all know that Wikipedia isn't all that reliable sometimes, but for now, I'll say it is from Spain. Whatever it is though, it sounds really delicious...Yes I realize there are a lot of carbs in it. 

And I don't care.

NEXT RECIPE:

I found a basic recipe for Sponge Cake. Truth be told, I have been exposed to this recipe before back in 7th grade. Technically though, I didn't really make the cake, so it doesn't count. I remember liking it though...

Churros sound delicious too but I don't know if I would be up for frying something. 

While we're talking about deserts with frying involved, these Fried Lotus Balls sound deceptively simple to make. Where I would get lotus starch though? New England isn't exactly famous for having that. :P

I've always wanted to try making Rice Balls as well, but I've never had the means to. I don't even know if I still have the means to.

Well, that's all the recipes I'm in the mood to search for today. I'm out! :D

74. Make an internet mini-series consisting of five episodes (CONCEPTUAL STAGE)

So, I have started thinking about this particular goal, because as I see it, this goal could easily be half-finished over the summer break in-between semesters at school. I could get the filming done over the summer, start editing all five episodes mid-August and then gradually upload them to YouTube when I get back to school where we have decent internet access.

The problem is, however, is the limitations that I have.

My first problem, most of my friends are not anywhere near me this summer since I will be living in VT.  That means that this show would definitely be a one-person cast with just me working it unless I can get my cousins, my mum and possibly my aunts and uncles in on it. 

Secondly, I don't have a video camera. I would either have to save up money for one (which is impossible because I need to save money for when I go back to college), use my digital camera's video function (just...no) or use the video camera on my mac for a more vlog-like approach. As of right now, I am leaning towards the vlog approach because that is the most feasible at this moment, especially if I can set up the room I'm staying in this summer like a set.

Which brings me to my concepts that I would like to try:

After boredom ensued when I was procrastinating from my homework today, I ended up finding video entries on YouTube for the Evil League of Evil contest that were submitted awhile back. Some of the best entries were simple ones that just used a vlog like camera, but the entrants played up their characters so incredibly well for the camera (Princess Zombie and PMS Geisha come to mind). And then it came to me:

Why should I be limited by a Dr. Horrible related contest to make up my own villain wannabe? What if I could just go ahead and make one anyway?

That is what I am currently leaning towards. At risk of getting too far ahead of myself, I am not going to publish the character ideas that I have in mind for this project on this blog, but I will definitely link the videos back to this blog whenever I get them done. 

Biggest Mistake. Ever.

Today was an absolute zoo to be honest:

Let me just say I am NEVER making the mistake of trying to get home from school on Sundays while there is another Red Sox game happening ever again. Granted, today it was worsened by the extra people around for the Boston Marathon coming up tomorrow, but it was still a horrendous crowd I got through as I was coming out from the dreaded basement.

And the T--don't even get me started. 

Ridiculously crowded! 

There must be someone out there who has written a song about the T. I guess I'll just have to find it eventually...

Dependency

I guess after some thinking today, I came to this realization:

To make a relationship work, of any sort, both people need to be independent to a certain degree. Things just don't work out if all parties involved literally will die without the other attached to their hip. In fact, it's as one of my friends said earlier: "If I was in a relationship, I would be all like 'go over there please'". 

I mean, REALLY, wouldn't you get annoyed with your loved ones if they spent too much time around you?

If you answer no to that, then you're either lying or haven't imagined what it would be like living on a remote island with them for a year. 

Chicken Tetrazzini post of awesome-ness

I'm not going to lie, but this sounds really good. I might just have to try cooking some over the summer for my folks back at home:

Recipe at Food Network

"Ingredients

• 9 tablespoons butter
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 4 boneless skinless chicken breasts
• 2 1/4 teaspoons salt
• 1 1/4 teaspoons freshly ground black pepper
• 1 pound white mushrooms, sliced
• 1 large onion, finely chopped
• 5 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 tablespoon chopped fresh thyme leaves
• 1/2 cup dry white wine
• 1/3 cup all-purpose flour
• 4 cups whole milk, room temperature
• 1 cup heavy whipping cream, room temperature
• 1 cup chicken broth
• 1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 12 ounces linguine
• 3/4 cup frozen peas
• 1/4 cup chopped fresh Italian parsley leaves
• 1 cup grated Parmesan
• 1/4 cup dried Italian-style breadcrumbs"

Augh...so delicious sounding, and it is indeed Italian food, so it would fall under my foreign recipe goal for 101 1001. Yummy!!!

Chicken Tetrazzini?

Chicken Tetrazzini

Is it wrong that I feel stupid and don't know what the hell chicken tetrazzini is? Maybe I need to look it up for one of the 101 1001 goals so I can learn to make some. On the other hand--Joel makes a good point in that video, hun, if that guy is cheating on you, it's not the chicken tetrazinni. 

Hmmm...I guess, in my sick condition (I am catching a cold and already have a stuffy nose), I shall go on an epic journey over the internet to find out what this chicken tetrazzini is and find  a recipe for it.

Onward, ho!

Yuckers--AKA my lovely schedule for the day

This is my life at the moment for today:

1) Course sign ups at a registration time that is during one of my classes today.

2) A struggle to figure out how I'm going to fit in my required classes after I get back from a semester away.

3) Nine hours of classes today, with 3 hours in between I can't go home for.

4) Running on only 6 hours of sleep because I ended up not sleeping well despite going to bed two hours early last night.

Can today please be over already? Or even just the stupid course sign ups would make my life a lot easier if I got them done and over with, because I looked at my class schedule on the online sign up site and two classes I need for my requirement already had a couple of slots taken off (and they aren't big classes anyway). 

I'm crossing my fingers that today will work out fine. .___.

Philosophical Moment?

I just got done talking to one of my friends when I realized something:

Things won't always be like this.

I won't always be here in Boston/Cambridge, worrying about the next essay due date or rapidly working away on a charcoal drawing due the next day for Figures in Environments. I'm not always going to have friends who live on the floor below me or always have people surrounding me like in the dorms. I'm not always going to be worrying about the useless things, like guy problems or exhaustion taking over. 

I love this life, but that's the exciting thing about it--it's always changing.

I have to appreciate this while it lasts.

Really now?

Let me just commend Electronic Arts for making me laugh this early in the morning: Case In Point

I mean, come ON now? I know that one has to be original in their packaging so that they stand out from the competition, but they couldn't be bothered to check whether or not brass knuckles were illegal? Come on, EA, we all know that you put a crap load of money into your advertising. Don't waste it because some nimrod decided it would be awesome to make their journalist audience criminals in real life. 

...That's it, man. I want to work in games, but I am NEVER going to work in advertising (like the swag). However, I wouldn't mind being one of the journalists: 

Swag, man. Swag.

Ballet

I had forgotten how beautiful ballet was until one of my friends brought it up again in the past week when she found out that our school may be sponsoring tickets to go to the Boston Ballet this month...It brings me back, to be honest. The last ballet I saw was The Nutcracker when I was 9/10 and the last time I actually heard of it was when I was in a local production as one of the angels towards the beginning of Act III.

I always wanted to be Clara. 

Now that I look back on it, I would never have the guts to play Clara. Or the Sugar Plum Fairy for that matter. It was always so much work--I even had to skip my school's big year-end winter band concert as a kid because it was the same night as one of the performances.

Ballet does have a magic about it though. The fact that people are able to express themselves without words so clearly is amazing to me. I guess I have to incorporate more of that into my animation and such and maybe into my everyday life. That skill of communication is important in life, even if people aren't wearing tutus and tights and ballet slippers everyday...

That's it. I need to see if I can join the dance group at my school next semester. I love belly dancing (which is also a beautiful form of expression), but I think ballet is growing back on me now. While I don't think I could be as good of a dancer now as I was when I was a kid when it comes to posture, I think it would be rewarding to pick it back up again.

I can't wait.

Artsy Pants

I am currently half-way through typing a response for foundation seminar, which is basically a course at my school to introduce the freshman students more to the art world and the concepts behind the art that people look at. It's a pretty interesting class, but I'll be damned if I don't hate writing these responses.

I don't know...Is it bad that as an artist I simply don't care to discuss my opinions about what people think of art? Don't get me wrong, I love looking at artwork, I love producing it and I can't imagine myself doing anything else. It's just that discussing why Picasso painted a person the way he did or why post-modernist art is so important is...bland. I am not excited by it.

Why can't we just look at a piece of art for once and just appreciate the time and work that probably went into something, Right?

murrrrrrrr

Yesterday was an interesting night. At the last minute, I found myself going on a train down to Providence with my room mate to spend the night because her mother was considering coming up here to visit anyway...Like, literally, last minute decision here.

Probably one of the better ones I've made in awhile.

I love being at school, but I think I needed to get away from it for a bit, even if it was just for a night away in Rhode Island. It's not like we did too much--watched a terrible vampire movie with her sister and her sister's friend, walked around a bit before it started raining in the morning--but I needed that low key type of moment (okay and the hot chocolate was yummy).

Now that I'm at school though, back to work--I've been filling out scholarship applications like a mofo and I still need to get some schooly things done. D:

So off I go, obligatory post for NaBloPoMo done for the day because my brain is too fuddled to type anything more coherant at the moment. Over and out.

Exhaustion rant

I probably should be getting showered and dressed for the day right now, but I am feeling so incredibly lazy right now. On Fridays I have no classes, so I'm basically getting to sleep in (did already--I usually have to be up at 7 in the morning) and chilling on Fridays. I am definitely gonna go poke my head around on the floor below me and say hi to my dorm mates...I dunno though, I am just feeling so exhausted from this week--and it was a REALLY busy week as seen in earlier entries on my blog:

*Sunday I went to the Prudential Center with one of the girls down the hall and my roomie.

*Getting a crucial essay done for English on Monday after that class ended up being canceled.

*Room Lottery for next year on Tuesday night. I know where I am living next year now! It was also two of my friend's b-days.

*My mom came to town Wednesday, meaning I was up from 6 in the morning to 10 at night all while running on five hours of sleep. oi vey.

*Thursday I had nine hours of classes at AIB and found out that my art teacher might think that  my crush and I are actually dating (FML).

EXHAUSTION HATES ME!!!!

RAWR!!!

I still have a bunch of homework to do. I know I'm probably going to have to go to AIB this weekend to get my animation basics work done for class Tuesday and that I have to start English and get my foundation seminar homework done before Wednesday. Thankfully, that's ALL the homework I have to work on this weekend since I won't be getting anymore homework assignments.

The downside? I have to work more on my AICAD paperwork to spend a semester away. Ew.

Well, enough ranting, man. I should have known that I would start getting more inundated with work this semester. I KNEW it was going to happen. I just didn't think I'd feel like this about it, ya? Oi vey...Ironically, from what I have read, college is the busiest part of your life, not after college. How messed up is that? 

FML

Am I allowed to have an fml moment? It is ridiculous--I am in college. I shouldn't be having as many of these childish fml moments, but I am. Let me put it to you this way:

The plus side is that I am passing art history now after getting a 97 on the mid-term. The down side is that my art history teacher might think that one of my (incredibly hot) guy friends and I are dating even though he has said in the past he doesn't like me that way.

FML.

Best Person Ever

My mum is the best mum ever. 

I got to spend  a day with her, which is good, because she has been stressing out incredibly bad at home in-between her hours being cut back at work and taking care of her mother 4/7 days a week, which involves traveling back and forth from NH and VT. I felt bad that I couldn't come home on her b-day, so I invited her down for the day and gave her b-day present today. I still owe her a relaxation CD burned from my ITunes, but I think she liked what I gave her today and hanging out, so that is good. :D

Talking to her makes me remember how much I have learned from her--compassion, courage, caring (yay alliteration!). We have been through thick and thin together when I was a kid along with my bro and if it wasn't for her pushing me, I don't think I would be the person I am today. 

She might question my career choice some times and she might not like the fact that I am so far away from her a lot of the time, but she has stood behind me in every decision I have made and she she does. She believes in me and I never want to fail and disappoint her. She, along with a good friend of mine, have made me realize who I want to be, who I need to be. 

Talking to her today put my mind at ease about many things and made me realize a couple of things too. My mum tends to do that to me.

Here's to many more good years with her around. :)

Apartments

Firstly, I have to say this:

WOW, I actually kept up this for a week. Seriously, I am shocked, man. I didn't think I could get myself to do this because I have such a busy schedule. I suppose typing these entries in the morning before I head to class is the easiest thing to do after all. :)

Looking back at the first week of entries again...makes me realize I need to start keeping a diary again. I didn't realize I was carrying all of this baggage on me. Not that I have shared anything overly personal on this blog, but what I could have typed...I can't even bring myself to share it with my closest of friends most of the time. I'm a private person by nature, so I need to find some way to just let all of this baggage go, I guess.

I did talk to one of my friends about the whole dorm situation yesterday and it turns out that more of my art school friends are staying closer to campus, so that situation is resolved now. Good thing too, with room lottery coming up at my school tonight. My roomie and I are going to try and go for houses with quiet hours, but if all else fails we'll live in an art related house (which is very likely that we'll end up in a decent house because I ended up with a pretty awesome number yay). 

Soooo my roomie and one of my friends and I are looking at apartments since we're all thinking of living off campus starting mine and my roomie's junior year if my semester away doesn't pan out in sophomore year. My friend kept looking on Craig's List for apartments that were like, $500 less a month and I'm just like ".....yeah good luck with that". In the area we are in, it's impossible to get an apartment below $1700 a month. She complained about not having the money for splitting $1700 a month and I'm just thinking "it's called a job, all four of us [including our fourth possible room mate] work one we can manage". I just don't see how it would be feasible to get a working apartment for four people at less than $500 a month, especially considering we would need to get at least two bedrooms so that we don't all drive each other mad if we end up living together.

So, alas, the apartment search continues. Yay for us. D:

Things Are Winding Down (Or Starting To)

The end of the spring semester is a month away and I have so much left to do before then. Scary stuff, man scary stuff. I think I'll be able to handle it when the time comes, but I don't know if I can handle thinking about it right now. I have a lot on my mind as it is--I'm working on sorting out paperwork for the AICAD program at school so that I can try to spend a semester away in Florida or California, I have homework, there's apparently a lot of drama back at home right now, I am still dealing with something that shouldn't be a guy problem here in MA but is still bothering me anyway and it's just all aughhh.

Part of me just wants this year to end already and another part of me doesn't ever want it to: I shouldn't be, but I'm really scared about one of my closer friends. He's a senior and he's graduating this semester. It's not like he's moving to the other side of the world any time soon, and he's still likely to be living in Boston as his room mates are still in school, but he's one of those people I can't imagine never having met. I'm really worried that I'm going to lose contact with him and I don't want to. I've told him all this already, but...I'm not sure if he fully got it. He doesn't seem to fully understand that he's someone I actually care about, even after telling him this already...

That whole worrying goes for some of my dorm mates in my dorm this year. Room lottery is coming up tomorrow night and some of them are planning on living in the other set of dorms while some of my friends and I are planning on living closer to main campus. It's true that I can go visit them, but it would be a lot harder in between homework and knowing way too many freaking people. I'm sure that this will sort itself out next year, so I'm not going to freak out too badly over it, but still...OI VEY. 

Growing up is totally coming back to bite me in the butt. I think I'm starting to hate it.

Studio Ghibli Love

Yesterday must have been one of the most random Saturdays ever. It wasn't a completely wasted day because I got a good majority of my homework for the weekend done and I got to hang out with people I haven't gotten to see in weeks, but then on my downtime...I felt like a kid watching movies with my bro all over again.

I ended up being in a Studio Ghibli mood all day yesterday. Some of it still hasn't worn off, I don't think. Within the time period in between getting work done and hanging out with friends, I ended up watching The Cat Returns, Howl's Moving Castle and Princess Mononoke (forgot how much the last movie made me squeam, not going to lie). With the notable exception of Princess Mononoke, those movies just made me...I dunno, fantasize again (not that Princess Mononoke didn't have a setting, but since it's more historical based with just that small twist of fantasy it doesn't lend itself as much). 

Being a college student, I have learned that I have to face reality all of the time. There is so much that I have to take care of--my tuition payments, my classes and work, my family and friends--I kind of forget about myself some times when I am not doing things like this blog. I usually have to be so into the present that I forget it's okay to fantasize once in awhile.

Who says that our day dreams have to be limited to work time things and everyday matter? Who says we can't have pacifists and airships and magic in there? It's our day dreams, not the world's so why not? It could just be my inner animator talking, but really, I think I've needed to just let myself go for awhile and stop worrying about what everyone else would think.

I want to take that through with me this week.

I'm Not Really...

After the brief overview of my last NaBloPoMo posts that I related to the April theme (which for those who didn't see that page is 'Growing'), I realize, that yes, they are on the more negative side. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret giving my opinions out like that, but I am really not this sad, negative person that the NaBloPoMo posts send out vibes like. 

I am actually a pretty positive person.

But time is a negative thing.

You know that saying "time heals all wounds"? As I see it, time does a lot more than that. It can make any kind of relationship crumble. It slowly kills us as we grow older everyday. It can go really slow or fly right by us before we realize it.

My optimism and time just happen to cancel each other out, I guess. 

That's why I'm happy to still be here. 

Growing Up (III)

III. Now

For all of the things that die the day we grow up, there are many more things that help us move on. We meet new people, we see new places, learn new things--we might even fall in love. For all the things inside me that withered away when I started my life at college, all of the people I've met have made me that much better of a person, one of them even changing me profoundly it feels. If it wasn't for my friends, I would be a complete mess right now. I would be going nowhere fast and then before I knew it, time would run out before I changed the way I needed to.

Thanks, you guys. You're the best friends I could've ever asked for.

8. Tell the five most important people in my life that I love them and why. (EXPOSITION POST OF AWESOME)

So, there is a matter of doing this particular goal...I'm going to be honest, it's probably one of the most important tasks I want to undertake before my 101 1001 runs out of time. I can't believe a month has gone by of it already yet...I already feel that much more accomplished. I feel like I finally sorting myself out to an extent, something that I've need to do for awhile. I needed 101 1001 to start doing things, get out there and move on from this emotional weight I've been carrying for so many years.

I already have the people in mind whom I am going to tell (including my mum, duh). I just need to sort out my thoughts a bit, because some of them are just really complicated. Of course, I am one of the shyest people ever--even stuff like this, important things, I have a hard time telling people.

But hey, what can you do? A girl's got to do what a girl's got to do, and in this case, this girl has A LOT to do. D:

I guess I am a mushy person on the inside...I just don't want to admit it. I don't want to admit this either, but I might actually cry when I write out the lists and stuff in my diary. The people I have in mind are so dear to me and so important. I can't imagine never having met them or living without them. These are not just my friends and my family--these are the people who have been there for me when I wasn't doing as well as I thought I was. These are the people who are honest with me and listen to me if I have a problem. These are the people I care about and trust with my darkest secrets.

These are the people I love.

Growing Up (II)

II. It

It didn't really hit me until my mum started crying and walking away.

I was going to be on my own for the first time.

Ever.

Miles and hours away from my family and friends back at home while I was at college.

I wasn't really so much sad and scared as I was intimidated. The world was turning into a much bigger place than I had ever thought it was. I was used to being in a small town in the middle of nowhere. In the city, there was life around me. There were collective thoughts, dreams and ideas. There were people and yes, there was traffic.

And then there was me and I was just one of the people adding to this collection of treasures and this overwhelming zest.

I think part of me died that day.

Growing Up (I)

I. Then

Growing up is such a huge deal and people never really seem to realize it. It just sneaks up on people as life passes by them. They go on living the lives the way they do, changing each moment. A lot of people believe that growing up is this huge momentous crash where they collide with a little thing called responsibility when they hit puberty, when they go to high school, when they graduate.

I believe that the moment someone grows up is when they realize they completely forgot about who they used to be.

I guess growing up is never the big deal everyone says it is. How can it be such a big deal when we forget where we came from? I want to believe otherwise, that growing up is a significant thing, but I find myself doubting it more every day. I can't remember what my thoughts were when I was a child. I can't remember what it felt like to be innocent. I don't know what I'm missing--it's like I was always the way that I am now and that there was nothing to ever bridge the gap.

I am an art student. I am an adult and that is the only thing that really matters at the moment.