30. Become more confident when talking in front of crowds.

So, here I am. I managed to get to a Panera to post this entry. I wonder if anyone will notice that I didn't buy anything yet. Oh well, no matter. XD

I feel I've accomplished being more confident in front of crowds. Why? Because when I had my critique for the end of the year back in Boston, I actually felt pretty okay talking in front of everyone about my work. Normally I get REALLY nervous and forget everything I am going to say, but this time I didn't so much. I even had a couple of people tell me that I am a great public speaker. Talk about a huge change from last year when I could barely even introduce myself to strangers!

It feels great being more confident. I want to keep it up. Yes, I will still have my moments of shyness, but I feel more...normal, now, I guess. I don't freak out over everything I say and do, I don't feel as if everything is staring at me--it's like art school has completely started changing me for the better. Heck, I even have to credit a dumbass I've been talking to for the last few months at school too. 

It's weird, but it just really hit me I guess. 

I guess the most significant changes just hit you without warning.

And for once, I'm glad.

Current List of Things to do:

1) Survive my critique tomorrow.

2) Finish packing at least half of my room up today.

3) Get my scholarship paperwork in order.

4) Get back to work on sorting out AICAD paperwork over the summer.

Yaaaay. 

So It's Finally Winding Down Sort of

Let me just say I am RELIEVED that the semester is winding down now.  RELIEVED, I tell you. I spent so much more time on my work outside of class than I have...ever. To give you an idea, I spent about 20 hours working on my animation final just getting the actual drawings done for shooting. I love 2-d animation and I definitely love the results, but it is so time consuming. I honestly don't think I would do it as a day-to-day job. I would loose my mind and my wits and all of the above.

However, I do have more appreciation for animation now than I did before. It's not that I didn't, because I am a huge nerd like that, but appreciating animation and appreciating animation as an animator are really two completely different things. There are so many things that go into that one second of animation that you never realize until you are sitting there at the light table yourself.

I am definitely a better artist for it.

I wish I could say that same about my conceptual development class, but to be honest that assignment just came together today. Not a good habit, but at least that's my last assignment for that class and then I will never have anything to do with performance art again (outside of my dancing, which I actually care about).

I've been taking a break from drawing for a bit and practicing video editing. (Can you blame me after making about 500 different drawings for my animation final?) It led to this really pointless YouTube Poop and I also must note that I made a test run for my web series that I am going to film this summer. Both videos can be found at my Youtube Channel. The least you can do is take a peek in there, right? 

Tomorrow itself is going to be a long day I think, but it'll be over quickly once I'm in the middle of it. I have to present my animation final tomorrow, which I am kind of worried about because I suspect my DVD didn't burn the movie correctly (but there's nothing I can do about it now) and then I have my final critiques for Conceptual Development, including my final project for that class. Yaaaaaay.

Anyway, I'm going back to unwinding now. Enough blogging, it is requiring too much thinking! XD

Love

As is proper for my last entry for NaBloPoMo (I made it all 30 days by the way), I have another corny insight to share and to blog about for today's entry.

Today, I realized what love really is. 

It was after the art history exam today. A good friend of mine was getting ready to commute home on his bike and I somehow ended up following him over to the bike racks at the school next door. After struggling (and failing) to get up on his bike, he ended up doing a demo for me around the small quad where we were. 

What I felt at that moment was the best feeling in the world.

He had the biggest smile on his face as he sped around the quad...and I couldn't help but smile myself. 

Love isn't about being together and being in a relationship. It's not about vows. It's not about exchanging phone numbers or going out weekly on romantic walks. It's not about any of that.

It's about being happy.

He makes me happy, even with all of the crap I've put up with from him.

I just wish I could tell him that. 

Who I'd Be

One of the best songs I've heard in awhile...

...and it came from a musical adaptation of Shrek. How did this happen? Seriously, I'm flabbergasted--the musical sounds like it might actually be BETTER than the movie was in terms of character development (Shrek admitting he wants to be known for more than being an ogre to Donkey--that's deep stuff right there). 

I hate to admit it, but this song is kind of inspiring right about now. 

And now off to face another day of my hell week at school. 

93 degrees? .______.

Apparently it is supposed to be 93 degrees Fahrenheit in Cambridge/Boston today? I don't know if I will be able to stand it. The animation basement at school is already usually in the high 80s at the very least and we have no air conditioning down there...I guess I better bring my water and my deodorant down today if I want to stay smelling/feeling decent.

This is one of those times I wish I was near Caspian Lake in Greensboro, VT, as boring as that town is. At least when it was hot down there it was really cold by the lake so that the breeze was enough to cool you off. And dipping my toes in the water while chilling at the end of the dock at camp? The best. 

I guess a part of me must really miss my family if I am thinking about camp, which I really used to despise when I still lived there...

Bring on the summer break. I'm ready for the next couple of days (which are going to be the hardest this week)!

Dr Horrible's Sing Along Blog

If you have the internet and don't live under a rock, you have no doubt heard of Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog, starring the ever awesome Neil Patrick Harris, Nathan Fillion and Felicia Day. There is a reason I really want to write a short blurb about Dr. Horrible, however. Really, when you look at it, DHSB is really a work of genius.

The whole atmosphere of the piece gradually goes on a downward spiral. At first it looks like the entire piece is going to be light-hearted, with Dr. Horrible singing the happy-go-lucky sounding song "Freeze Ray", complaining about how he can't talk to the girl of his dreams. Everything is lighter in this first part--the songs, the sets, the jokes, even the acting is just a bit fluffier.

But then everything gradually starts growing darker until, without any spoilers, the very end of the show.

While some people have complained about this disjointed feeling, I think it actually serves to tell the story more fluidly. If Shakespeare could have some comedic moments in his tragedies, why can't Joss Whedon have this sort of downward spiral in Dr. Horrible?

Dr. Horrible is not the only one negatively affected by this downward spiral in the mood--the viewer is as well. It just makes the storytelling feel that much more human-like in the way that it unfolds. It's not that there haven't been other people who haven't attempted this method of storytelling (if you look at the Harry Potter series J.K. Rowling does the same sort of thing throughout the seven books), but some people just haven't nailed it as well as Whedon did with DHSB. 

Bravo, Joss Whedon. Bravo and thank you for the storytelling inspiration.

Animation? Why thank you.

Four hours in the animation basement at school today and I only got about 30 frames completed for the final piece in my animation. Augh...I have to go into the basement everyday this week because of that final. I really want it to come out good though. I should be used to putting this much effort into work, but honestly, I don't think I am.

Shading a series of pictures and drawing a series of frames to animate are two completely different things.

However, one of my most complicated shots is almost finished. I know for sure that I can finish it tomorrow. :D

And now off to zoning out again. I just can't put together any logical words right now, to be honest.

17 Again

Soooo, I ended up seeing this movie last night with two of my friends, as hard as it is to believe.  I have to admit, I didn't even know what I was thinking when I decided to go. I am so totally not a Zac Efron fan and the movie sounded kind of stupid. Even within the first ten minutes, I was like "oh man, this is going to be so bad".

It's no Oscar winning movie, but I was pleasantly surprised. 

I won't go into details and such, but the way the movie was handled was hilarious for the most part. It is definitely not another tween movie just because Efron is in it. In fact, he got into the mind set of a 40-ish year old man better than I thought he would. Heck, there was even a moment in the movie I almost started crying (before I started laughing again).

I have to say, my favorite character in the whole movie was probably Ned (I believe that was his name, please correct me if I am wrong on that). My inner nerd jumped for joy when he and the principal had that conversation in Elvish.

Today...

Today, I ended up riding a mechanical bull, eating crepes, walking along the Charles River from Harvard Square and ending up all the way over at the Prudential Center because of a spur in the moment. It's funny how life works out that way some times, but as I see it, that's the best way to live your life, is by spur of the moment. That's why some people never get bored with their lives while some just rot away in a deadlocked schedule.

I hope I'm not one of them.

Burn Out

You know you are too exhausted from classes when...

...you actually want to go home from school.

...you sleep in past your alarm (obviously).

...you intend to work on your homework, but then end up just sitting there in front of the computer for hours on end with nothing accomplished.

...you nearly doze off on a bench outside one of the classrooms (I am guilty of this one XD).

...all you want to do is lock yourself in your room and zone out in front of some flicks.

...you don't even bother changing on weekends any more.

...your personality changes for no good reason.

...you feel the need to make a list like this.

:X

Plans for the summer

As the school year begins to slow down and the break becomes closer, I realize that NOW is the time to sit down and plan out what I want to accomplish over the summer. While I do intend to relax to a certain extent, I also have A LOT of business/things that I want to accomplish over the summer before I come back to school in the fall:

SUCH AS:

FINANCIAL RELATED THINGS:

1. Get a job that will keep me working at least 20-25 hours a week.

2. See if I can take on portrait commissions again to supplement the job.

SCHOOL RELATED THINGS:

1. Finish putting together my AICAD applications and send them off to Boston.

2. Renew my scholarship from my high school.

ART/FUN (cause art is FUN :D) RELATED THINGS:

1. Get some more official concept art done for Eileen's story.

2. Get a bare bones plot worked out for the above.

3. Get all five episodes of my web series concept shot over the summer (I'm guessing considering each episode is probably going to be about 3-5 each this could easily be accomplished in a week).

5. Do some cooking for a change. YAY.

I guess that be all for now. :D

Ben and Jerry's

Let me just say that Ben and Jerry's Free Cone Day is the best thing since sliced bread.

Let me also say that Oatmeal Cookie Ice Cream is also the best thing since sliced bread. I think it might have even trumped my personal favorite flavours of Ben and Jerry's ice cream (Phish Food and Mint Chocolate Chip). 

Do I feel like a nerd raving in a whole blog post about Ben and Jerry's?

Yes, a little bit. 

But it was worth it. 

And, dude, free ice cream. 

Recipe Time!

In a quest to further my culinary horizons (and my 101 1001 goal pertaining to this broadening of horizons), I've decided to gather more recipes on this blog after my Chicken Tetrazzini post. 

First up, we have Ensaymada. When I Wikipedia-ed this food it said it was from Spain, however we all know that Wikipedia isn't all that reliable sometimes, but for now, I'll say it is from Spain. Whatever it is though, it sounds really delicious...Yes I realize there are a lot of carbs in it. 

And I don't care.

NEXT RECIPE:

I found a basic recipe for Sponge Cake. Truth be told, I have been exposed to this recipe before back in 7th grade. Technically though, I didn't really make the cake, so it doesn't count. I remember liking it though...

Churros sound delicious too but I don't know if I would be up for frying something. 

While we're talking about deserts with frying involved, these Fried Lotus Balls sound deceptively simple to make. Where I would get lotus starch though? New England isn't exactly famous for having that. :P

I've always wanted to try making Rice Balls as well, but I've never had the means to. I don't even know if I still have the means to.

Well, that's all the recipes I'm in the mood to search for today. I'm out! :D

74. Make an internet mini-series consisting of five episodes (CONCEPTUAL STAGE)

So, I have started thinking about this particular goal, because as I see it, this goal could easily be half-finished over the summer break in-between semesters at school. I could get the filming done over the summer, start editing all five episodes mid-August and then gradually upload them to YouTube when I get back to school where we have decent internet access.

The problem is, however, is the limitations that I have.

My first problem, most of my friends are not anywhere near me this summer since I will be living in VT.  That means that this show would definitely be a one-person cast with just me working it unless I can get my cousins, my mum and possibly my aunts and uncles in on it. 

Secondly, I don't have a video camera. I would either have to save up money for one (which is impossible because I need to save money for when I go back to college), use my digital camera's video function (just...no) or use the video camera on my mac for a more vlog-like approach. As of right now, I am leaning towards the vlog approach because that is the most feasible at this moment, especially if I can set up the room I'm staying in this summer like a set.

Which brings me to my concepts that I would like to try:

After boredom ensued when I was procrastinating from my homework today, I ended up finding video entries on YouTube for the Evil League of Evil contest that were submitted awhile back. Some of the best entries were simple ones that just used a vlog like camera, but the entrants played up their characters so incredibly well for the camera (Princess Zombie and PMS Geisha come to mind). And then it came to me:

Why should I be limited by a Dr. Horrible related contest to make up my own villain wannabe? What if I could just go ahead and make one anyway?

That is what I am currently leaning towards. At risk of getting too far ahead of myself, I am not going to publish the character ideas that I have in mind for this project on this blog, but I will definitely link the videos back to this blog whenever I get them done. 

Biggest Mistake. Ever.

Today was an absolute zoo to be honest:

Let me just say I am NEVER making the mistake of trying to get home from school on Sundays while there is another Red Sox game happening ever again. Granted, today it was worsened by the extra people around for the Boston Marathon coming up tomorrow, but it was still a horrendous crowd I got through as I was coming out from the dreaded basement.

And the T--don't even get me started. 

Ridiculously crowded! 

There must be someone out there who has written a song about the T. I guess I'll just have to find it eventually...

Dependency

I guess after some thinking today, I came to this realization:

To make a relationship work, of any sort, both people need to be independent to a certain degree. Things just don't work out if all parties involved literally will die without the other attached to their hip. In fact, it's as one of my friends said earlier: "If I was in a relationship, I would be all like 'go over there please'". 

I mean, REALLY, wouldn't you get annoyed with your loved ones if they spent too much time around you?

If you answer no to that, then you're either lying or haven't imagined what it would be like living on a remote island with them for a year. 

Chicken Tetrazzini post of awesome-ness

I'm not going to lie, but this sounds really good. I might just have to try cooking some over the summer for my folks back at home:

Recipe at Food Network

"Ingredients

• 9 tablespoons butter
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 4 boneless skinless chicken breasts
• 2 1/4 teaspoons salt
• 1 1/4 teaspoons freshly ground black pepper
• 1 pound white mushrooms, sliced
• 1 large onion, finely chopped
• 5 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 tablespoon chopped fresh thyme leaves
• 1/2 cup dry white wine
• 1/3 cup all-purpose flour
• 4 cups whole milk, room temperature
• 1 cup heavy whipping cream, room temperature
• 1 cup chicken broth
• 1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 12 ounces linguine
• 3/4 cup frozen peas
• 1/4 cup chopped fresh Italian parsley leaves
• 1 cup grated Parmesan
• 1/4 cup dried Italian-style breadcrumbs"

Augh...so delicious sounding, and it is indeed Italian food, so it would fall under my foreign recipe goal for 101 1001. Yummy!!!

Chicken Tetrazzini?

Chicken Tetrazzini

Is it wrong that I feel stupid and don't know what the hell chicken tetrazzini is? Maybe I need to look it up for one of the 101 1001 goals so I can learn to make some. On the other hand--Joel makes a good point in that video, hun, if that guy is cheating on you, it's not the chicken tetrazinni. 

Hmmm...I guess, in my sick condition (I am catching a cold and already have a stuffy nose), I shall go on an epic journey over the internet to find out what this chicken tetrazzini is and find  a recipe for it.

Onward, ho!

Yuckers--AKA my lovely schedule for the day

This is my life at the moment for today:

1) Course sign ups at a registration time that is during one of my classes today.

2) A struggle to figure out how I'm going to fit in my required classes after I get back from a semester away.

3) Nine hours of classes today, with 3 hours in between I can't go home for.

4) Running on only 6 hours of sleep because I ended up not sleeping well despite going to bed two hours early last night.

Can today please be over already? Or even just the stupid course sign ups would make my life a lot easier if I got them done and over with, because I looked at my class schedule on the online sign up site and two classes I need for my requirement already had a couple of slots taken off (and they aren't big classes anyway). 

I'm crossing my fingers that today will work out fine. .___.

Philosophical Moment?

I just got done talking to one of my friends when I realized something:

Things won't always be like this.

I won't always be here in Boston/Cambridge, worrying about the next essay due date or rapidly working away on a charcoal drawing due the next day for Figures in Environments. I'm not always going to have friends who live on the floor below me or always have people surrounding me like in the dorms. I'm not always going to be worrying about the useless things, like guy problems or exhaustion taking over. 

I love this life, but that's the exciting thing about it--it's always changing.

I have to appreciate this while it lasts.

Really now?

Let me just commend Electronic Arts for making me laugh this early in the morning: Case In Point

I mean, come ON now? I know that one has to be original in their packaging so that they stand out from the competition, but they couldn't be bothered to check whether or not brass knuckles were illegal? Come on, EA, we all know that you put a crap load of money into your advertising. Don't waste it because some nimrod decided it would be awesome to make their journalist audience criminals in real life. 

...That's it, man. I want to work in games, but I am NEVER going to work in advertising (like the swag). However, I wouldn't mind being one of the journalists: 

Swag, man. Swag.

Ballet

I had forgotten how beautiful ballet was until one of my friends brought it up again in the past week when she found out that our school may be sponsoring tickets to go to the Boston Ballet this month...It brings me back, to be honest. The last ballet I saw was The Nutcracker when I was 9/10 and the last time I actually heard of it was when I was in a local production as one of the angels towards the beginning of Act III.

I always wanted to be Clara. 

Now that I look back on it, I would never have the guts to play Clara. Or the Sugar Plum Fairy for that matter. It was always so much work--I even had to skip my school's big year-end winter band concert as a kid because it was the same night as one of the performances.

Ballet does have a magic about it though. The fact that people are able to express themselves without words so clearly is amazing to me. I guess I have to incorporate more of that into my animation and such and maybe into my everyday life. That skill of communication is important in life, even if people aren't wearing tutus and tights and ballet slippers everyday...

That's it. I need to see if I can join the dance group at my school next semester. I love belly dancing (which is also a beautiful form of expression), but I think ballet is growing back on me now. While I don't think I could be as good of a dancer now as I was when I was a kid when it comes to posture, I think it would be rewarding to pick it back up again.

I can't wait.

Artsy Pants

I am currently half-way through typing a response for foundation seminar, which is basically a course at my school to introduce the freshman students more to the art world and the concepts behind the art that people look at. It's a pretty interesting class, but I'll be damned if I don't hate writing these responses.

I don't know...Is it bad that as an artist I simply don't care to discuss my opinions about what people think of art? Don't get me wrong, I love looking at artwork, I love producing it and I can't imagine myself doing anything else. It's just that discussing why Picasso painted a person the way he did or why post-modernist art is so important is...bland. I am not excited by it.

Why can't we just look at a piece of art for once and just appreciate the time and work that probably went into something, Right?

murrrrrrrr

Yesterday was an interesting night. At the last minute, I found myself going on a train down to Providence with my room mate to spend the night because her mother was considering coming up here to visit anyway...Like, literally, last minute decision here.

Probably one of the better ones I've made in awhile.

I love being at school, but I think I needed to get away from it for a bit, even if it was just for a night away in Rhode Island. It's not like we did too much--watched a terrible vampire movie with her sister and her sister's friend, walked around a bit before it started raining in the morning--but I needed that low key type of moment (okay and the hot chocolate was yummy).

Now that I'm at school though, back to work--I've been filling out scholarship applications like a mofo and I still need to get some schooly things done. D:

So off I go, obligatory post for NaBloPoMo done for the day because my brain is too fuddled to type anything more coherant at the moment. Over and out.

Exhaustion rant

I probably should be getting showered and dressed for the day right now, but I am feeling so incredibly lazy right now. On Fridays I have no classes, so I'm basically getting to sleep in (did already--I usually have to be up at 7 in the morning) and chilling on Fridays. I am definitely gonna go poke my head around on the floor below me and say hi to my dorm mates...I dunno though, I am just feeling so exhausted from this week--and it was a REALLY busy week as seen in earlier entries on my blog:

*Sunday I went to the Prudential Center with one of the girls down the hall and my roomie.

*Getting a crucial essay done for English on Monday after that class ended up being canceled.

*Room Lottery for next year on Tuesday night. I know where I am living next year now! It was also two of my friend's b-days.

*My mom came to town Wednesday, meaning I was up from 6 in the morning to 10 at night all while running on five hours of sleep. oi vey.

*Thursday I had nine hours of classes at AIB and found out that my art teacher might think that  my crush and I are actually dating (FML).

EXHAUSTION HATES ME!!!!

RAWR!!!

I still have a bunch of homework to do. I know I'm probably going to have to go to AIB this weekend to get my animation basics work done for class Tuesday and that I have to start English and get my foundation seminar homework done before Wednesday. Thankfully, that's ALL the homework I have to work on this weekend since I won't be getting anymore homework assignments.

The downside? I have to work more on my AICAD paperwork to spend a semester away. Ew.

Well, enough ranting, man. I should have known that I would start getting more inundated with work this semester. I KNEW it was going to happen. I just didn't think I'd feel like this about it, ya? Oi vey...Ironically, from what I have read, college is the busiest part of your life, not after college. How messed up is that? 

FML

Am I allowed to have an fml moment? It is ridiculous--I am in college. I shouldn't be having as many of these childish fml moments, but I am. Let me put it to you this way:

The plus side is that I am passing art history now after getting a 97 on the mid-term. The down side is that my art history teacher might think that one of my (incredibly hot) guy friends and I are dating even though he has said in the past he doesn't like me that way.

FML.

Best Person Ever

My mum is the best mum ever. 

I got to spend  a day with her, which is good, because she has been stressing out incredibly bad at home in-between her hours being cut back at work and taking care of her mother 4/7 days a week, which involves traveling back and forth from NH and VT. I felt bad that I couldn't come home on her b-day, so I invited her down for the day and gave her b-day present today. I still owe her a relaxation CD burned from my ITunes, but I think she liked what I gave her today and hanging out, so that is good. :D

Talking to her makes me remember how much I have learned from her--compassion, courage, caring (yay alliteration!). We have been through thick and thin together when I was a kid along with my bro and if it wasn't for her pushing me, I don't think I would be the person I am today. 

She might question my career choice some times and she might not like the fact that I am so far away from her a lot of the time, but she has stood behind me in every decision I have made and she she does. She believes in me and I never want to fail and disappoint her. She, along with a good friend of mine, have made me realize who I want to be, who I need to be. 

Talking to her today put my mind at ease about many things and made me realize a couple of things too. My mum tends to do that to me.

Here's to many more good years with her around. :)

Apartments

Firstly, I have to say this:

WOW, I actually kept up this for a week. Seriously, I am shocked, man. I didn't think I could get myself to do this because I have such a busy schedule. I suppose typing these entries in the morning before I head to class is the easiest thing to do after all. :)

Looking back at the first week of entries again...makes me realize I need to start keeping a diary again. I didn't realize I was carrying all of this baggage on me. Not that I have shared anything overly personal on this blog, but what I could have typed...I can't even bring myself to share it with my closest of friends most of the time. I'm a private person by nature, so I need to find some way to just let all of this baggage go, I guess.

I did talk to one of my friends about the whole dorm situation yesterday and it turns out that more of my art school friends are staying closer to campus, so that situation is resolved now. Good thing too, with room lottery coming up at my school tonight. My roomie and I are going to try and go for houses with quiet hours, but if all else fails we'll live in an art related house (which is very likely that we'll end up in a decent house because I ended up with a pretty awesome number yay). 

Soooo my roomie and one of my friends and I are looking at apartments since we're all thinking of living off campus starting mine and my roomie's junior year if my semester away doesn't pan out in sophomore year. My friend kept looking on Craig's List for apartments that were like, $500 less a month and I'm just like ".....yeah good luck with that". In the area we are in, it's impossible to get an apartment below $1700 a month. She complained about not having the money for splitting $1700 a month and I'm just thinking "it's called a job, all four of us [including our fourth possible room mate] work one we can manage". I just don't see how it would be feasible to get a working apartment for four people at less than $500 a month, especially considering we would need to get at least two bedrooms so that we don't all drive each other mad if we end up living together.

So, alas, the apartment search continues. Yay for us. D:

Things Are Winding Down (Or Starting To)

The end of the spring semester is a month away and I have so much left to do before then. Scary stuff, man scary stuff. I think I'll be able to handle it when the time comes, but I don't know if I can handle thinking about it right now. I have a lot on my mind as it is--I'm working on sorting out paperwork for the AICAD program at school so that I can try to spend a semester away in Florida or California, I have homework, there's apparently a lot of drama back at home right now, I am still dealing with something that shouldn't be a guy problem here in MA but is still bothering me anyway and it's just all aughhh.

Part of me just wants this year to end already and another part of me doesn't ever want it to: I shouldn't be, but I'm really scared about one of my closer friends. He's a senior and he's graduating this semester. It's not like he's moving to the other side of the world any time soon, and he's still likely to be living in Boston as his room mates are still in school, but he's one of those people I can't imagine never having met. I'm really worried that I'm going to lose contact with him and I don't want to. I've told him all this already, but...I'm not sure if he fully got it. He doesn't seem to fully understand that he's someone I actually care about, even after telling him this already...

That whole worrying goes for some of my dorm mates in my dorm this year. Room lottery is coming up tomorrow night and some of them are planning on living in the other set of dorms while some of my friends and I are planning on living closer to main campus. It's true that I can go visit them, but it would be a lot harder in between homework and knowing way too many freaking people. I'm sure that this will sort itself out next year, so I'm not going to freak out too badly over it, but still...OI VEY. 

Growing up is totally coming back to bite me in the butt. I think I'm starting to hate it.

Studio Ghibli Love

Yesterday must have been one of the most random Saturdays ever. It wasn't a completely wasted day because I got a good majority of my homework for the weekend done and I got to hang out with people I haven't gotten to see in weeks, but then on my downtime...I felt like a kid watching movies with my bro all over again.

I ended up being in a Studio Ghibli mood all day yesterday. Some of it still hasn't worn off, I don't think. Within the time period in between getting work done and hanging out with friends, I ended up watching The Cat Returns, Howl's Moving Castle and Princess Mononoke (forgot how much the last movie made me squeam, not going to lie). With the notable exception of Princess Mononoke, those movies just made me...I dunno, fantasize again (not that Princess Mononoke didn't have a setting, but since it's more historical based with just that small twist of fantasy it doesn't lend itself as much). 

Being a college student, I have learned that I have to face reality all of the time. There is so much that I have to take care of--my tuition payments, my classes and work, my family and friends--I kind of forget about myself some times when I am not doing things like this blog. I usually have to be so into the present that I forget it's okay to fantasize once in awhile.

Who says that our day dreams have to be limited to work time things and everyday matter? Who says we can't have pacifists and airships and magic in there? It's our day dreams, not the world's so why not? It could just be my inner animator talking, but really, I think I've needed to just let myself go for awhile and stop worrying about what everyone else would think.

I want to take that through with me this week.

I'm Not Really...

After the brief overview of my last NaBloPoMo posts that I related to the April theme (which for those who didn't see that page is 'Growing'), I realize, that yes, they are on the more negative side. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret giving my opinions out like that, but I am really not this sad, negative person that the NaBloPoMo posts send out vibes like. 

I am actually a pretty positive person.

But time is a negative thing.

You know that saying "time heals all wounds"? As I see it, time does a lot more than that. It can make any kind of relationship crumble. It slowly kills us as we grow older everyday. It can go really slow or fly right by us before we realize it.

My optimism and time just happen to cancel each other out, I guess. 

That's why I'm happy to still be here. 

Growing Up (III)

III. Now

For all of the things that die the day we grow up, there are many more things that help us move on. We meet new people, we see new places, learn new things--we might even fall in love. For all the things inside me that withered away when I started my life at college, all of the people I've met have made me that much better of a person, one of them even changing me profoundly it feels. If it wasn't for my friends, I would be a complete mess right now. I would be going nowhere fast and then before I knew it, time would run out before I changed the way I needed to.

Thanks, you guys. You're the best friends I could've ever asked for.

8. Tell the five most important people in my life that I love them and why. (EXPOSITION POST OF AWESOME)

So, there is a matter of doing this particular goal...I'm going to be honest, it's probably one of the most important tasks I want to undertake before my 101 1001 runs out of time. I can't believe a month has gone by of it already yet...I already feel that much more accomplished. I feel like I finally sorting myself out to an extent, something that I've need to do for awhile. I needed 101 1001 to start doing things, get out there and move on from this emotional weight I've been carrying for so many years.

I already have the people in mind whom I am going to tell (including my mum, duh). I just need to sort out my thoughts a bit, because some of them are just really complicated. Of course, I am one of the shyest people ever--even stuff like this, important things, I have a hard time telling people.

But hey, what can you do? A girl's got to do what a girl's got to do, and in this case, this girl has A LOT to do. D:

I guess I am a mushy person on the inside...I just don't want to admit it. I don't want to admit this either, but I might actually cry when I write out the lists and stuff in my diary. The people I have in mind are so dear to me and so important. I can't imagine never having met them or living without them. These are not just my friends and my family--these are the people who have been there for me when I wasn't doing as well as I thought I was. These are the people who are honest with me and listen to me if I have a problem. These are the people I care about and trust with my darkest secrets.

These are the people I love.

Growing Up (II)

II. It

It didn't really hit me until my mum started crying and walking away.

I was going to be on my own for the first time.

Ever.

Miles and hours away from my family and friends back at home while I was at college.

I wasn't really so much sad and scared as I was intimidated. The world was turning into a much bigger place than I had ever thought it was. I was used to being in a small town in the middle of nowhere. In the city, there was life around me. There were collective thoughts, dreams and ideas. There were people and yes, there was traffic.

And then there was me and I was just one of the people adding to this collection of treasures and this overwhelming zest.

I think part of me died that day.

Growing Up (I)

I. Then

Growing up is such a huge deal and people never really seem to realize it. It just sneaks up on people as life passes by them. They go on living the lives the way they do, changing each moment. A lot of people believe that growing up is this huge momentous crash where they collide with a little thing called responsibility when they hit puberty, when they go to high school, when they graduate.

I believe that the moment someone grows up is when they realize they completely forgot about who they used to be.

I guess growing up is never the big deal everyone says it is. How can it be such a big deal when we forget where we came from? I want to believe otherwise, that growing up is a significant thing, but I find myself doubting it more every day. I can't remember what my thoughts were when I was a child. I can't remember what it felt like to be innocent. I don't know what I'm missing--it's like I was always the way that I am now and that there was nothing to ever bridge the gap.

I am an art student. I am an adult and that is the only thing that really matters at the moment.

Just a heads up for my friends who read this...

I am going to participate in NaBloPoMo this coming month. I figure it can get a couple of my goals out of the way on my 101 1001 list. I THINK I have an idea of what I'm going to blog about, especially after seeing the theme for April (which I'll stick very loosely to I guess).

So yeah, that's it. I have to get back to doing homework and getting some artwork done before my English class tonight. D:<

~Sara

43. Go For A Week Without Eating Sugar (Part 2)

I...I MADE IT? A WEEK? WITHOUT SUGAR? 

Wow, I am seriously shocked. I MADE IT. I didn't have one bite of processed sugar for a week and it was...exhausting, man, seriously. I admit, this morning since the thing was over I caved and ate some chocolate covered edamame beans but yanno, I think this was a good thing to do. I think I can resist the urge to eat processed sugar now. I can definitely eat healthier for sure, especially after seeing that literally just after a week of eating this way, I dropped a lot of water weight. :0

Even within the first week I felt so much better once I got over the PMS-y feelings that came with not eating the processed sugars. It was psychological I swear. I even almost started crying on the street for no good reason whatsoever. WTF? Scary crap, man, scary crap.

Temptation was hard to resist, especially at college life--free ice cream at the housing fair, soda at the movie nights, friends going "omnomnom chocolate", etc. I seriously was ready to smack some of them upside the head, to be honest. -___-;;

But for all the friends I got mad at, there were the awesome ones who were supportive of me. Thanks guys. Here I am a week later and I feel like, that YES, I can eat healthier now.

Next food challenge in the coming months? The bread/pasta one, or at least I'll try to. I told one of my friends that I'd help her by participating in Passover with her. Good luck to us, methinks. :B

~Sara

19. Write a list of 25 lessons I have learned in my life.

Because a rational perspective is always good, I'm gonna compose a list of 25 things I have learned in my life (no, learning to tie my shoes doesn't count). 

25 Things Sara Has Learned In Life

1. Appreciate your life everyday. You never know how much longer you'll be around.

2. It's okay to deviate from what everyone else does.

3. It's okay to open up to others, just be careful what you open up to them about.

4. Bottling things up is never fine. 

5. If you want something, go for it, unless it is a guy, then you let him do 90% of the work.

6. Going stag to prom isn't the end of the world.

7. Figure out what your friends are and what they aren't.

8. Your parents are two of the most important people in your life, even when you're having an episode of teen angst. Treasure them.

9. Don't put yourself in the middle of a problem, even if you mean well.

10. White lies are the worst lies you can make because you never regret them later.

11. There are always stranger people than you out there, even if you are the crazy cat lady.

12. Life is ironic.

13. Things always happen for a reason, even if they aren't obvious at time.

14. Growing up never seems like a gradual thing because one day it hits you in the face and you realize "OH CRAP I GREW UP".

15.  Follow your gut. It's the only thing that leads to a correct decision every time.

16a. You don't just share your heart with your significant other. You share it with your friends...

16b. ...not only this, but you share one half of your memories with everyone else.

17. It's the little moments that are the best--the time you chilled with your friends eating pizza way too late at night, getting lost in the department store, the smile from across the room.

18. When you are angry, the best thing to do is go off and be alone for a bit.

19. Your childhood doesn't end when you reach puberty. It ends the minute you realize that you have changed and that you can't go back to what you were.

20. You never fully appreciate what you had until it's many years later and you realized what you missed out on.

21.  You can only change to be a better person when you can learn to laugh at life.

22. Don't worry too much about the drama in your life now, because years from now you'll probably laugh at the ridiculous feeling of it all.

23. Everyone has something they can do. If you don't think this is true, it's probably because you haven't found your calling yet. 

24. Everyone makes a difference, no matter how trivial they think their actions might seem. 

25. You might have different religious beliefs from everyone else, but none of the titles really matter because you all believe in the same thing: the well-being of mankind.

20. Write a list of 25 things that I appreciate about myself.

Because increasing my self esteem is something I want to do over the next three years while I'm in art school, I have decided that I need to give myself a pat on the back for a change. Without going into detail, I have a lot of baggage that I tend to hide from 99.9% of the world that I've been hiding since middle school and continue to hide from most people.  As a result...I could be happier with myself.

Well, no time like the present:

25 Things Sara Appreciates About Herself 

1. I am well adjusted despite the crap I've gone through in the past.

2. I am not overly mature, but I know when I need to act it.

3. I am brave enough to pursue my dreams here in Boston. :]

4. I am independent.

5. I can sit back and realize what I have in front of me and what I don't.

6. I love the little hazel strip in my left eye.

7. I am finally proud to be extremely pale.

8. I think if I worked at it I could really be talented. I draw, paint, belly dance, write and if I actually try I can sing okay.

9. I am starting to be able to recognize when I am in a bad situation...

10. ...and I am able to pull myself out of them.

11. I can admit when I am wrong.

12. I try to live my life the way I want to and not by what others think.

13. While I would love to find a soulmate, I don't need a boyfriend to be happy.

14. I know what I want.

15. I am determined in nearly anything that I do.

16. Compared to some people, I am actually a pretty rounded person. I have a good variety of interests, unlike people who are simply like "OMG SPORTZ". 

17. I am smart.  

18. I have awesome hair.

19. I am not swayed by the media or public perception of me. 

20. I am not as shy as I was when I was younger.

21. I can actually talk now! 

22. I can workaround the fact that I a) had a speech impediment that still affects me occasionally, b) have a learning disability that makes it hard for me to deal with numbers and c) already have a shy personality...I left school on honor roll, even with a class in accounting. :]

23. I am an organized person when I want to be. 

24. I always want to know more about the world around me.

25. That I got the bollocks to write up this list.

43. Go For A Week Without Eating Sugar (Part I)

Today, folks, is the start of a new life...or at least a VERY difficult challenge! XD 

I have decided to get one of the hardest things I've wanted to do done, which is to go a week without eating processed sugar. The natural stuff in fruit=fine, but soda and other things=hard. You see these things so much in college. I don't usually eat them, but I do feel like I haven't been abstaining as much as I would like to, so I'm avoiding the stuff completely for a week to break the cycle. It's gonna be tough stuff. I am a chocoholic. That says enough.

So, today, is day 1, obviously. I WAS gonna start Saturday but then I remembered that I was at a sleepover and that we would be likely to eat processed sugar so that was a no go. ._____.;;; 

Today though...WISH ME LUCK! I'm going to need it.

97. Put a Dream Catcher Up In My Room

Soooo, I grabbed my dream catcher from my old bedroom back in NH. I know it sounds silly to some, but having it around really does make me feel better. I swear it actually works for me. My dreams just seem to have so much better omens and to have more clarity when I have one around.

Something tells me I should probably start another one of my goals within a couple of weeks, which is to write in a dream journal everyday for a month. I've written in a dream journal in the past, but I've never really made it all that consistent...which is odd, I guess, but then again I have pretty weird dreams, like:

*Danny Elfman was a knight and he failed at rescuing the princess (AKA me, of course) because he was thwarted by a Gerard Butler look alike.

*I was getting married to one of my guy friends (who I didn't know I was getting married to) and got into a fight with my mom over the wedding dress.

* I was one a bus\train vehicle that was going to Boston and it broke down after everyone gave their tickets away, so the conductor was like "hey, here's a refund". This was AFTER I had gotten into a fight with one of my friends over texting my crush. XDDD

Maybe my memory will improve if I attempt to keep up the dream recollection? 

~Sara

41. Go To Trader Joe's

Sooooo, I ended up finishing one of my more minor goals for 101 1001 today. 

I, Sara, went into a Trader Joe's for the first time in my life?

Does the goal sound ridiculous to most? Yes, yes it does. However, I am a New Hampshire citizen. We don't HAVE any Trader Joe's where I lived. I hadn't even heard of Trader Joe's until I came down to school in MA! It wasn't until one of my friends showed up one day with Trader Joe's cookies to split with everyone had I even heard of them--and damn were there good!

Every other week, my friends would keep discussing Trader Joe's and every other week we would try to make plans to go, but couldn't because of our schedules, leaving me Trader Joe-less.

Well THAT changed today, folks. (haha) True, the sales clerk was kind of a prick and I just bought dried blueberries and some chocolate covered edamame and peanut butter cups to bring home to my brother and mum, but hey, it's SOMETHING!

That's one less thing I have to try in my life! 

Oh yeah, did I mention I picked up paperwork for my semester in Florida today? I even started writing my statement of purpose already! >D

Next up...I have to face NH on my spring break. Oh dang.

~Sara

21. 25 Things I Look For In Guys

As part of a way to re-organize my brain after dealing with a certain guy-related situation, I've decided that as a way to keep myself put together, I am going to make a list of 25 things I look for in a guy so that I at least won't make the same mistakes that I've made in the past AGAIN.

25 Things Sara Looks For In Guys:

1. He must be older than me. THIS IS NOT DEBATABLE!

2. He must know what he wants in life. I do not want a guy who is indecisive about his career/schooling/anything. It goes against everything that I am.

3. He must be taller than me, because I hate to sound shallow, but I would feel weird dating a guy who was my height or shorter than me.

4. I want someone who can depend on me when he needs me, but isn't clingy. I would hope that he'd expect the same of me.

5. I want someone who is intelligent. I don't expect Einstein genius, but I don't want someone who equates the word "yeah, dude" to a fleshed out conversation.

6. I want someone who is not afraid to take life head on. 

7. I NEED a guy who is clear in what he wants. Some things in life are meant to be black and white.

8. I deserve a guy who doesn't keep telling me "I'm sorry that I can't date you", but might be thinking "but I sure do love your taste in guys".

9. I value my mom's opinion. If she thinks you're a douchebag, then 99% of the time you must really be a douchebag because she doesn't say that about many people.

10. A guy doesn't have to like the same exact things I do, (like Broadway), but don't be rude to me about liking those things.

11. This one should be obvious, but a guy who takes my feelings into consideration. Don't do or tell me things that could be construed as flirting when you have clearly stated that you don't like me that way. DUH. 

12. I need a guy who sees what he has in front of him. Usually people are luckier than they think.

13. I don't care how busy a guy is. He calls me at least once a week. Communication is important in a relationship!

14. I want someone who is compassionate. He doesn't have to feel every little thing that goes on inside my head, but I want him to at least listen and try to understand why I might feel the way that I do.

15. Someone who is into the city life. I love the city myself and I want to settle there, so any guy who is in the same mindset with me makes my life easier.

16. Trust me and I'll trust you. I want someone who has my back.

17. Once again, the whole mindset thing--I'm an Atheist. I don't expect you to have the same beliefs, but don't try bashing yours into my skull. It's just a big turn off.

18. If I can tell you just exactly how I feel, then you probably have me hooked. I am a very shy person and tend to close my feelings off from most people, so when I am honest like that, it is a big deal to me.

19. Taking #18 into consideration, don't blab about these things to other people, not even as "my friend felt this way". 

Time for the shallow part of the list! :D

20. Long hands/long fingers. 

21.  I prefer blue/green eyes, but any eyes do it for me if they are pretty enough.

22. Brunettes

23. NO ACTORS! I've learned my lesson with that one already.

24. ...Artists on the other hand...

25. No need for uber-muscles, but take care of yourself (like eating right, exercising, etc.). It shows that you are happy and confident with yourself. :]

~Sara

101 1001 List

1. Get an A average for one semester at school. [0/1]

2. Learn more Parkour

3. Lose 20 pounds [0/20]

4. Keep said 20 pounds off (unless it's muscle, then it's fine)

5. Post in a dream journal for a whole month. [0/30]

6. Participate in NaBloPoMo. [1/1] [April 2009]

7.  Get rid of items at home that are clogging up space.

8. Tell the five most important people in my life that I love them and why. [0/5]

9.  Spend a semester in Florida or California through the semester away program at school. [0/1]

10. Have a mother and daughter day at the spa with my mum. [0/1]

11. Post a blog every day for a month. [30/30] started April 1~FINISHED April 30

12. Start up a website to promote my artwork and use as a portfolio. [0/1]

13. Get an internship in the video game industry. [0/1]

14. Set up a meditation schedule of at least 30 minutes a week.

15.  Send something to PostSecret. [0/1]

16. Abstain from eating meat for a week. [0/7]

17.  Start picking up yoga.

18.  Learn how to cook 20 different foreign recipes. [0/20]

19. Write a list of 25 lessons I have learned in my life. [3/22/09]

20. Write a list of 25 things that I appreciate about myself. [3/18/09]

21. Write a list of 25 things that I am looking for in a guy. [3/4/09]

22. Go to Saint Gaudens back in NH.

23. Do 26 Things and post it on this blog.

24. Do ten drawings with a focus on architecture/environment. [4/10]

25. Read The Secret.

26. Read Watchmen.

27. Re-read The Kite Runner.

28. Go five days without Facebook. [0/5]

29. Go five days without IM. [0/5]

30.  Become more confident when talking in front of crowds.

31. Spend another week in NYC. [0/7]

32. Spend another week in Seattle [0/7]

33.  Donate blood.

34. Have a Lord of the Rings marathon.

35. Fill up my "in-character" journal for my character Eileen.

36. Finalize Fareed's character design.

37. Make some landscape drawings for Eileen's story.

38. Make a film depicting Eileen's story.

39. Sit on a rooftop.

40. Write fiction everyday for a month. [0/30]

41. Go to a Trader Joe's (we don't have them in NH). [3/5/09]

42.  Eat sea salt ice cream.

43.  Go a week without chocolate or any form of sugar that's not in fruit/juice. [7/7] [started 3/16/09~ FINISHED 3/23/09]

44. Donate clothing to the Salvation Army.

45. Write a letter to my mum and mail it to her.

46. Get a psychic reading done and find out my "past lives".

47. Study the Wiccan religion, if just to find out what other people think of the world.

48. Write a letter to my dad.

49. Make plans with three possible people that I can room with off-campus. [2/3]

50. Get an apartment down in Boston.

51. Write a fan letter to Neil Patrick Harris. [0/1] (Optional is that I get his autograph, but knowing celebrities' schedules I'm not putting it on the official list.)

52. Do a series of photos at the Powerhouse Mall of at least ten different photos. [0/10]

53. Start drinking more water again.

54. Take at least ten photos around Greensboro, VT. [0/10]

55. Pay for all three of us (three of us being myself, my mom and my brother) at least one time when we go out to eat. [0/1]

56. Set up an account Etsy.com.

57. Sell five things on Etsy.com [0/5].

58. Give surprise "just because I care presents" to my mom and brother. [0/2]

59. Go a whole day without swearing. [6/1/2009]

60. Get a new cell phone. [5/6/09]

61. Grow my hair down to my shoulders.

62.  Go to Salem, MA.

63. Activate the new debit card back in NH. [3/7/09]

64. Go a whole month without buying anything except essentials (food, medical related things, etc.)

65. Tell my ex to stop staring at me.

66. Go to the Boston Museum of Fine Arts. [0/1]

67. Write a song. [0/1]

68. Take a theater related class at school. [0/1]

69. Take a creative writing class at school. [0/1]

70.  Buy myself a bouquet of flowers. [0/1]

71. Buy my friends a bouquet of flowers. [????]

72. Go to the movie theater by myself. [0/1]

73. Walk from school in Cambridge all the way over into Boston. [1/1] [DONE 4/24/2009, from Lesley University to the Prudential Center]

74. Make an internet mini-series consisting of five episodes. [0/5] (CURRENTLY IN CONCEPTUAL STAGE)

75. Buy a coach purse. [0/1]

76. Buy Mirror's Edge. [0/1]

77. Buy my own PS3 so that I don't have to share with my bro when we both move out of the house completely. [0/1]

78. Get attuned to Reiki. [0/1]

79. Try tarot cards.

80. Set up a more consistent weekly time for belly dance practice.

81. The above with Parkour.

82. Edit a Wikipedia on a topic I'm familiar with. [0/1]

83. Make a birthday cake and frosting completely from scratch.

84. Feng shui my dorm room. [0/1]

85. Get a hot pot so that I can stop mooching off of my room mate's. [0/1]

86. Get a full set of dishes (plates, silverware, glasses) for when I move out of the dorms.

87. Get a full set of pots and pans for when I move out of the dorms, including a cutting board.

88. Set up a schedule for when I have to start paying off my college loans.

89. Complete four pieces of work for the Canson Contest at school. [4/4] [last piece finished 3/17/09]

90. Submit said pieces of above work for above contest. [3/18/09]

91. Make my own ice cream.

92. No bread or pasta for two weeks. [0/14]

93. Read Twilight. (and ONLY the first book. NOT the other two.) [0/1]

94. Apply for every scholarship I am eligible for in 2009. 

95. Get a job over the summer in 2009 with at least 30 hours a week.

96. Save $$$ over the summer to go towards tuition payments. [IN PROGRESS]

97. Put a dream catcher up in my dorm room. [3/15/09]

98. Learn basic German.

99. Learn basic Korean.

100. Take French classes at school.

101. Get this list posted! [3/4/09]

3/4/09: 100% of the list is now posted! Accomplished goals will be in bold-italics with the date, as well as ongoing goals/goals in progress.

Hello, world

Hello, world!

Sooooo, truth be told, I actually just started this blog in order to participate in 101 1001. I don't see why I couldn't use it though, especially if I get something along the lines of "post in a blog everyday" (which would be impossible for me because I don't have internet at home--I'm actually at school right now).

This is all you people need to know:

Name: Sara

Occupation: Art Student (going for BFA in Animation)

Interests/Loves: Drawing, Painting, Video Games, Belly Dancing, Writing, Parkour, Kayaking, Comics, Voice Acting (although I'm terrible at it XD)

Favorite Music includes: Gorillaz, Broadway music, Meat Loaf, Nickelback, David Cook, Oingo Boingo, Carlos Santana, Sigur Ros, Rihanna--definitely not limited to those though XDDD;;;

Yup, that's all you need to know...until I get started on 101 1001. >D

Catch you on the upside,

~Sara